Tips for Recognizing Trauma, Helping Children Build Resilience

The statistics are both surprising and disturbing--as many as two of every three children age 16 and younger have been exposed to at least one traumatic event, with consequences that can affect their development, learning, and behavior.

Traumatic experiences can range from a one-time incident, such as the sudden death of a loved one or a natural disaster, to ongoing exposure to experiences like bullying or family violence. Studies have found that the effect on a child’s mental and social development can vary, from a diminished ability to focus and solve problems to long-term difficulties with academic performance, low self-esteem, and relationships with others.

Identifying that a child has experienced trauma is not always easy because emotional and behavioral responses to trauma vary depending on a child’s personality, the type and severity of the incident, the availability of adult support, and other factors. A child may suddenly lose control of his or her emotions, or show no outward changes at all. Because of their age, younger children may have even more difficulty talking about a traumatic event and what they are experiencing.

Still, there are behaviors that could be signs that a child is having difficulty dealing with a traumatic event, such as:

• Separation anxiety or clinginess toward teachers or caregivers
• Changes in appetite
• Decreased interest in and/or withdrawal from friends or family and normal activities
• Over- or under-reaction to physical contact, sudden movements, and sounds
• Angry outbursts and/or aggression
• More frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue
• Repeatedly recreating the event through comments, drawings, or activity
• Emotional “numbing,” or expressing no feelings at all about the event

What can teachers, caregivers, and other adults do to help a child who has experienced trauma? The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers these suggestions:

• Maintain usual routines
• Make sure that the child is not being isolated
• Provide a safe place where the child can talk about the incident
• Be sensitive to potential environmental cues that may cause a reaction (e.g., an approaching storm or the anniversary of an event)
• Warn the child in advance of a change in routine or other event that could be unsettling
• Monitor what information the child shares with other children to prevent excessive curiosity from peers
• Nurture the child’s positive self-view

With support, many children can recover quickly from the fear and anxiety caused by a traumatic experience. But others may need more help over a longer period of time, both to recover and to build resilience that can help them when they face challenges in the future.

To learn more about early childhood trauma and its effects on young children, contact Child Care Aware® of Central Missouri.  Information is also available online from SAMHSA’s website.

These resources provide more detailed information on the types of traumatic events that can affect children; how exposure to traumatic events may change a child’s academic, emotional, and mental development; strategies for helping a child deal with trauma; and additional resources regarding treatment and prevention.

With the support of caring adults, children can recover from traumatic events, reestablish a sense of well-being, and obtain treatment and other services if needed. The more you know about trauma and children, the more you can do to help them.

Posted with permission from SAMHSA.

Give Your Child Something That Will Last a Lifetime… Quality Child Care!

Quality child care can make a big difference in the future of your child, your community, and even the world.  By choosing quality care now, you give your child a head start on a strong mind, body, and spirit.  So take your time in choosing child care because it will be one of the most important decisions your family will make.  Compare your choices and ask plenty of questions. The more you know about your choices the easier it is going to be to make that decision.

There are five basic steps in choosing a quality child care program:

1. Look  Visit several child care facilities so you are able to compare each one.  On each visit, think about your first impression.  But do not stop there.  Ask yourself some questions:  Does the place look safe for your child?  Does the staff talk with each child at the child’s eye level?  Are there plenty of toys and learning materials within a child’s reach?  Always visit a potential program more than once and at after different times of day.  Continue your visits after you start using the child care.

2. Listen  Close your eyes and see what you hear when you walk into a potential program.  Do you hear children’s voices?  Do they sound happy?  How do the teacher’s voices sound?  A place that’s too quiet may mean not enough activity.  A place that’s too noisy may mean there is a lack of control.

3. Count  Count the number of children in the group.  Then count the number of staff members caring for them.  The fewer number of children for each adult, the more attention your child will get.  If it is a licensed facility, there are regulations around the ratio of children to teachers.

4. Ask  It’s very important that the adults who care for your children have the knowledge and experience to give them the attention they need.  Ask about the background, experience, and education of all staff, including the director.  Quality care providers will be happy to have you ask these questions.

5. Be informed  Find out more information about quality improvement projects in your area.  Ask if the potential provider is enrolled in these activities.  Ask the provider is accredited.  These programs undergo in-depth self-assessments, independent observation and approval by professional experts.

Utilizing these five steps is a great way to start to find a program that meets your family’s needs.  Child Care Aware® of Missouri can aid you in this search for child care if you call 1-866-892-3228.  They know a lot about local choices and can provide you with more resources to aid you in this search.  They can also save you time in searching for child care.  Finding convenient, affordable, high quality child care can take a lot of time, but it’s certainly time well spent.

Written by:  Joanne Nelson, Central Region Coordinator, Child Care Aware® of Central Missouri with information from the National Association of Child Care Resource Referral Association

Making Divorce Less Traumatic for Kids

Parents can make divorce less traumatic for their kids by following a few tried and true tips.  Some parents have been able to reduce the negative effects of divorce on their children…and ended up raising kids who grew into really nice, responsible adults. Sadly, we’ve also seen the other side of the coin…parents who unnecessarily make things much tougher for their children and themselves. 

Listed below are some tips that up the odds those children of divorce will grow up well–adjusted, instead of angry, resentful, and irresponsible. 

Tip #1: Assure your kids that the divorce is not their fault.

Children, especially younger ones, have a strong tendency to blame themselves for the divorce. What a horrible burden of guilt to bear! From you and your former spouse, they need to hear the following message over and over:  Some kids blame themselves for their parents getting a divorce. It was not your fault. We love you.

Tip #2: Avoid bad mouthing your former spouse…even in subtle ways.

As we all know, small ears hear more than big ones!

Kids need to know that it’s okay to love both of you. Don’t place your child in a loyalty conflict by subtly suggesting that they should not love the other parent or have fun when they visit them. One father made this mistake in a very subtle yet damaging way.  Each time he picked up the kids at his ex–wife’s, he would greet them with a worried look and ask nervously, "Are you guys okay?   Did your visit go okay?"

It wasn’t long before the kids started to believe that they weren’t supposed to have an "okay" time at Mom’s house. Oftentimes, these more subtle jabs are the most powerfully damaging.

Tip #3: Don’t waste time and energy trying to "convert" your former spouse to your parenting style.

Some divorced parents waste precious time and energy fighting a never–ending control battle with their former spouse over how to parent the kids.

Children adjust to different parenting styles, as long as their parents aren’t manipulated into giving in or getting angry. When your kids say things like, "But Dad lets us," experiment with saying the following while not backing down:  You’re pretty lucky to have two parents who are different. Thanks for letting me know.

Tip #4: Don’t hesitate to seek qualified professional help.

Our children will never be healthier than we are. The trauma of divorce can result in major financial stress, lost friendships, depression, low self-esteem, anger, etc. A skilled therapist can help you and your kids move on to happier times, instead of getting bogged down in the pain.

While divorce is certainly very difficult for kids, utilizing these easy–to–learn techniques will help ease the stress during this adjustment period. Start building a happy future by getting started today.

Submitted by:  Joanne Nelson, Child Care Aware® of Central Missouri Regional Coordinator; (with information from http://www.loveandlogic.com/)

Childhood Trauma in Early Care and Education Settings

Today is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day.  Research shows that more traumatic experiences in childhood results in increased risk for serious health problems in adulthood. Learn more about childhood trauma's impact on health risks in adulthood, and pass it on to observe National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day.

Watching very young children at play, it’s natural to assume that their lives are as free of cares and worries, and simply about having fun. Yet many people may be surprised to learn that trauma and emotional distress are actually quite prevalent among pre-school children. In fact, research shows that when exposed to traumatic events, even children as young as 18 months can develop serious psychological problems later in childhood and in adulthood. As they grow, these children take with them the effects of traumatic events, and are more likely to experience problems with substance abuse, depression, and stress management as a result.

Young children also may be traumatized when they witness disturbing acts in their neighborhood or hear about them on TV. Even the childcare environment itself can be the setting for trauma when a child is repeatedly bullied by another.

What makes early childhood trauma particularly difficult to identify is the variability in the child’s response. Children who have been traumatized may be unable to control their emotions, act impulsively, overreact to loud or sudden noises, or withdraw excessively. Other times, the effects of trauma are physical—frequent headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue. An added complication is that very young children are often unable to verbalize a traumatic event and why they are distressed. They may show signs of stress for a short time then return to their seemingly “normal” selves.

Regardless of the reaction or how long it appears to last, trauma can seriously disrupt a young child’s social and emotional development. Chronic exposure to traumatic events can impair his or her ability to focus, organize and process information, and solve problems. There may also be negative effects on academic performance, self-confidence, and socialization as the child grow older.

The good news is that children who experience trauma can recover if they have the support of positive, caring adults who provide structure, comfort, and guidance. That is why it is important that caregivers be alert to the signs of trauma in pre-school children and know where to seek assistance from community resources such as Child Care Aware® of Central Missouri.

An early response may help the child receive the help necessary to cope and build resilience for the future. Caregivers also can assist in the resilience-building process by establishing a sense of safety in the childcare environment through the use of appropriate games or other activities, or by simply talking with the child in a caring and supportive way, caregivers can help restore a sense of emotional well-being.  Studies show that such collaborative strategies are highly successful.

To learn more about early childhood trauma and its effects on young children, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services .

Exposure to trauma may be difficult for very young children to deal with, but they can recover. You can help.

Posted with permission from SAMHSA.www.samhsa.gov/children

Sibling Rivalvy: Give Children What They Need

"I was first!" "That's not fair!" "Mine!"

Parents with more than one child will likely hear this kind of exclamation over and over again. These are the yells of children struggling not to be left out, or making sure their siblings aren't getting better treatment.

Young children, especially up until age 5, are quickly growing in all the developmental areas - socially, emotionally, physically, cognitively. Part of social and emotional development for children is learning how to get along with others, handle and express their feelings, and being able to share and cooperate. For children in families with more than one child, home becomes the perfect classroom to start learning these social and emotional skills.

Having siblings helps children learn and practice how to cooperate, work out differences, and eventually understand that they will still get their needs met and are still loved, no matter how many children are in the family.

What's the Rivalry About?
Sibling rivalry is not new nor a serious concern. However, it can have lasting positive and negative effects on the relationship between brothers and/or sisters.

Whatever you call it, the "rivalry" or "competition" or "challenge" between siblings is quite normal. It is human nature. The bottom line is that it's important for parents to remember is that sibling rivalry is natural and it is usually nothing to worry about. You can help make things easier for you and your children by knowing what is behind some of your children's feelings and actions.

Arrival of a New Baby
When a new baby brother or sister arrives in the family, it is a big deal. It brings up many feelings and concerns that most young children are not aware that they have or aren't able to put into words.

Children are continually forming a sense of themselves, and part of that self-awareness involves being part of your family. Children want to make sure they are loved and that their needs are being met.

How children react and relate to one another will greatly depend on their ages. How they get along with each other and handle disagreements will also depend upon how the whole family operates. Your parenting and family patterns play a big role in influencing the way your children will relate to one another.

Depending on the age of your child when the new baby arrives, you can expect different reactions. But no two children are the same, and that is key in both raising your own, and in helping them deal with new siblings.

What Parents Can Do
We know that sibling rivalry is normal and to be expected. So, what can parents do to make sure the rivalry doesn't get out of hand and that all their children feel accepted and loved? There are a variety of strategies you can follow.

Prepare for New Baby
When a new baby is on the way, know that there will be changes. Make sure your expectations are realistic. You will have to change your family life. This translates into having a different amount of time to spend with the child or children you already have. Actively prepare your children for their new sibling.

Younger toddlers and some preschoolers may not really understand that a new child will be coming. However, you can still set the stage beforehand by talking about the arrival of the new sister or brother. For school-age children, you can talk about what it will be like to have a new addition to the family and include them in getting ready. Even if children are excited about having a new baby in the family, there will still be some challenging times.

Helping Siblings Develop Healthy Relationships
Once the baby is born, the fun begins. Here are suggestions to help siblings have a healthier relationship.

• Try to understand how your child is feeling and thinking. Children do not think like adults. Telling them that babies need more attention may not make sense to them. Instead, make sure you make time for them as well.
• Allow your children to voice their feelings and help give words to them as well. Being able to express disappointment, anger, and jealousy is helpful to children as they learn to manage their feelings.
• Prepare your older child for when the younger one starts to explore. Help your child to develop patience with their younger sibling.
• Allow siblings to try to work things out as they get to be school-age or older. However, never allow hitting, name-calling, or being abusive. Give suggestions to help them compromise.
• Be careful of young children around babies. Young children do not have impulse control and may strike out and hit without any notice.
• Know that children who are tired, hungry or not active are more likely to start fights or be difficult.
• Let your older child help take care of the baby while you are present. Assign him a special role.
• Do not compare your children. Comparing skills or achievements can affect a child's self-esteem.
• Have older children teach their younger sibling a game or show them how to do something.
• Give positive attention to your children. Some children pick fights because they don't know how else to get attention.
• When children argue, listen to both sides. When in doubt, get involved.
• Be fair to your children. Remember: being fair to children is not the same as treating them equally. Treat your children as individuals and in line with their age.
• Encourage children to talk things out and compromise. Give them words to use to express themselves, especially young children. "I am angry." "My feelings are hurt." "I am upset because I can't do what Brian is doing."
• Be an example to your children. How you and the rest of your family handle disagreements, anger, and other feelings will likely be how your children handle them as well.

As with anything regarding children, there isn't a cookie-cutter approach, but there are some basic principles that will help in most cases. Knowing your children as individuals will always help you to know the best approach for them.

Submitted by: Joanne Nelson, Project Director, MOCCRRN Mid Missouri

Reprinted with permission from “The Daily Parent”, a newsletter for parents funded by the Citi Foundation and produced by NACCRRA. Copyright 2008. NACCRRA, Arlington, VA. All rights reserved.

Understanding the Social Emotional Health of Children

Emotional health provides the foundation for success at school and in life. One of the most serious and unrecognized problems facing our nation is the failure to meet the emotional needs of our children. These needs are neglected at home and at school. This neglect jeopardizes the future of the children and our society.

To address this issue, Dr. Gerald Newmark wrote a best-selling book entitled How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children. It was written to raise public consciousness of emotional health and to provide a practical resource to enable parents, teachers and child care providers to do something about it.

All children, at all ages, have five critical needs in common which stay with them throughout their lives – the need to feel respected, important, accepted, included and secure. These needs are critical because when satisfied, they are the key to developing an emotionally healthy child. This knowledge serves parents and teachers as a road map to guide their actions in creating an emotionally healthy environment. Emotional health affects multiple aspects of our community.

Emotionally healthy children equate to productive, healthy, and engaged citizens. This is reflected through consistent work attendance, reduced poverty, increased altruistic and civic-minded behavior, and ultimately an increased level of self-reliance and self-discipline. These characteristics benefit all of us, as they support our society’s emotional and economic stability.

If you have any concerns about a child’s emotional health or you are concerned about a child’s behavior in your classroom, give us a call and we can help with strategies to work through many of these issues. We can provide phone support or FREE on-site technical assistance to help you in your classroom or with many of the disruptive behaviors observed with children.

Contact Barb Vigil (barb@mo.childcareaware.org), Lori Meisner(lorim@mo.childcareaware.org) or Trinette Brewer (trinette@mo.childcareaware.org) at 573-445-5437 or 800-243-9685 for more information.

Week of the Young Child Celebration

The National Association for the Education of Young Children, along with many early childhood facilities and programs, celebrates the Week of the Young Child from April 11-17, 2011. This is a week to honor young children and all those who make a difference in children’s lives. The theme to this year’s events is: “Early Years are the Learning Years.

This is a great time for early childhood programs across the state, including child care family homes, centers, Head Start programs, preschools, and elementary schools to hold activities to bring awareness to the needs of young children. Week of the Young Child is a time to recognize the importance of early learning and early literacy, and to celebrate the teachers and policies that bring early childhood education to young children.

Across the central region of Missouri there are over 1,000 various types of programs that bring some type of early care and education to children, birth to eight years old. Early childhood professionals need to work together to improve professional practice and working conditions in early childhood education, and to build public support for high-quality early childhood education programs.

There are many activities that will be held in the central region of Missouri to celebrate this week:
April 7 - Columbia Provider appreciation and awards dinner
April 14 - Jefferson City Provider appreciation dinner
April 14 - Mexico Provider recognition and reception
April 16 - Rolla Provider appreciation breakfast and child care workshop

Other activities happening this week are kite days, downtown strolls, library activities, parades, and articles in various newspapers across the area.

If you are interested in more information about any of these events or want to share something you are doing to celebrate during this time, please contact Joanne Nelson, Central Region Coordinator for Child Care Aware® of Central Missouri at joanne@mo.childcareaware.org, 573-445-5437 or 800-243-9685.